Tuesday, 28 July 2009

The bumblebee men

Imagine a David Attenborough voice.......

There are many varieties of cyclist that populate London and no more so than here, on the Uxbridge Road. In fact, so numerous are they that space is at a premium and competing for females can be quite vicious.

And here's just such an example.

A female is commuting in. Her bright pink top and ponytail signal her gender and, although her bike looks male, that's just a cunning ruse to put off males. And here's one now, a bumblebee man. His yellow jersey aims to emulate stronger, fitter species such as Lancearmstronginus but gives no real indication of speed or agility, while his black shorts are an attempt to play down his enormous bottom. To signal his intention he swings out in front of her, demonstrating his speed, then cuts back in front of her nearly causing a collision and therefore signalling his high level of testosterone. She is not impressed, but his tactic forces her to follow him as every time she tries to flee he swings right to prevent her from doing so.

But the battle is not won. Another yellow-jerseyed bumblebee man comes up from behind, also demonstrating his prowess by cutting up the female. He then attempts to assert his dominance over the first male. They tussle, over- and undertaking and leaving no more than six inches between their front wheel and the bike in front.

The battle for dominace reaches its peak, one of them is nearly hit by a bus as he attempts a last overtaking manouvre but he takes the lead. The traffic lights go to red. The second male and the female are left waiting as the winner signals victory by clicking his gears down the hill. The female will mate with neither.


  1. How come I never get birted with? All I get are fucking chafes busting in their pants to overtake me because my bike just happens to be bright pink which means it must OBVIOUSLY have a top speed of minus four mph.

  2. Glad I'm not the only one who gets hacked off with these guys who *insist* on over taking only to nearly cause you an accident....

  3. I doubt either of these guys even wanted me, they just didn't want to be behind a girl. And one had a gross perm-like ponytail. SEXY!

  4. "eeer-yeuch" @ the grim ponytail!!