Wednesday, 14 April 2010

The rules

Take note boys:
  • When a woman is skint so can't afford to buy any clothing, has a jazz gig coming up and wants to look nice so is trying on all her available dresses do not say the dress you prefer is the one she's already said she can barely breathe in. And definitely do not suggest she just dresses down.
  • If a lady picks up her handbag when getting up at an odd time in the pub/workplace don't ask loudly 'where are you going?'. She's clearly on her period and now everybody knows, thank you for the news bulletin.
  • Your girlfriend is irrationally moody, she's snapping, she's feeling unattractive and crying when haven't told her she's gorgeous for the fifteenth time today. Then inspiration hits: it's the right time for PMS. Revel in your cleverness at the realisation and act like nothing's different, do NOT, under any circumstances say something along the lines of 'Oh, I've just realised, you're really hormonal, I forgive you for being grumpy.' You may well be murdered.
  • If you drive a rather sexy car, don't rev past lady cyclists closely and loudly to show off. She will assume that having a micropenis has dented your self-esteem and you have over-compensated by buying a luxury car that you can't drive properly.
  • When a woman can't fit into her favourite dress, NEVER say 'Well you did eat all that ice-cream last night.'
  • Shouting 'Wahey!' at a lady cyclist as she pedals past just makes you look sad.
This may be added to at a later date.

1 comment:

  1. Great post. Should be put on every cycling website and not a few lads mags -)