'Come out, come out wherever you are!'
This is the call being made to my lady bits this morning. They have retreated after I hit the mother of all potholes last night.
I don't know if it was the angle or depth but I had turned to check on the cars behind me, turned back and SMACK!
The car driver behind apologised profusely after hearing my gentle words floating on the breeze....
MOTHERF***ER!
I tried to indicate that the fault was not his but was in no state to gesticulate accurately. Reg seems ok and I managed to get home but as soon as I could I got into the living room and lay down on the floor. Mr Weenie was very supportive... once he'd stopped laughing anyway. I may never let him near me again AND I was wearing padded leggings. I can't bear the thought of the damage had I been wearing unpadded.
Free and effective contraception thanks to the road authorities. Lovely.
Showing posts with label ouch. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ouch. Show all posts
Thursday, 4 March 2010
Monday, 9 November 2009
Car-bike interface
It's finally happened: I've had an accident.
I can't go into full details yet as, although I'm fairly sure nothing will come of it, but it involved rain obscuring visibility, a late indicator because someone was lost, wet leaves causing skiddage and Reg and I survived with nothing more than a few scrapes and bruises.
Lessons I have learned:
I can't go into full details yet as, although I'm fairly sure nothing will come of it, but it involved rain obscuring visibility, a late indicator because someone was lost, wet leaves causing skiddage and Reg and I survived with nothing more than a few scrapes and bruises.
Lessons I have learned:
- Wear hi-vis, it's ridiculous looking but makes a massive difference.
- Leaves do not care about you, your new brakes or your welfare, they will still increase your braking distance considerably.
- Traffic wardens will attempt to ticket drivers who have pulled over to see if you're ok.
- Lying in the road is very embarrassing.
- My handlebars are magnetically attracted to my inner thighs and determined to cause massive purple bruising therein.
- I don't swear when under that kind of pressure.
- The driver will be in shock and incredibly distressed.
- Sometimes shit happens.
Thursday, 29 October 2009
Watchoo!
Yes, tis the season for the sniffles, tralalalala lala la laaaaah!
I have succumbed to a nasty cold that Mr Weenie had last week. All it does is make me feel a bit hazy, encourage snot and makes me very hot.
Mr Weenie did ask whether I'd rather take the bus to work but when you already feel feverish and rough, the last thing I want to do is climb into a hot metal box on wheels filled with other ill people who will cough and sneeze all over me. Plus, even though it's October I've been wearing naught but a short-sleeved jersey on some commutes because I'm getting so hot. It's cut down the laundry significantly.
No no, I'd much rather sail through the crisp, cool autumn air, pootling if necessary.
A down side is that I have to pull over when I sneeze. I may be a lady but I'm very much of the Watchoooooo! variety when it comes to sneezing. The last time I sneezed while riding I was, fortunately, on an empty road as I didn't feel it coming and the sheer force of it made me swerve indecorously across two lanes.
Yesterday and today I had to pull over on my way to work as I felt that familiar tingle that heralded a whopper. What makes me laugh about myself is even then I felt the need to say 'Excuse me!' in an overly polite fashion.
See, large sneezes don't make you a tramp, I'm still a lady.
I have succumbed to a nasty cold that Mr Weenie had last week. All it does is make me feel a bit hazy, encourage snot and makes me very hot.
Mr Weenie did ask whether I'd rather take the bus to work but when you already feel feverish and rough, the last thing I want to do is climb into a hot metal box on wheels filled with other ill people who will cough and sneeze all over me. Plus, even though it's October I've been wearing naught but a short-sleeved jersey on some commutes because I'm getting so hot. It's cut down the laundry significantly.
No no, I'd much rather sail through the crisp, cool autumn air, pootling if necessary.
A down side is that I have to pull over when I sneeze. I may be a lady but I'm very much of the Watchoooooo! variety when it comes to sneezing. The last time I sneezed while riding I was, fortunately, on an empty road as I didn't feel it coming and the sheer force of it made me swerve indecorously across two lanes.
Yesterday and today I had to pull over on my way to work as I felt that familiar tingle that heralded a whopper. What makes me laugh about myself is even then I felt the need to say 'Excuse me!' in an overly polite fashion.
See, large sneezes don't make you a tramp, I'm still a lady.
Monday, 10 August 2009
Midnight ride to Bognor - Getting going
After my spectacular fall I was far more chatty to new people than usual. Rather than be embarrassing it was quite liberating. It was a great way to start chatting to people and I heard some great tales of the 'my first tumble' variety.
I also got to chat to a few ladies. Fairly usual you say but I say no. These were all ladies who love to cycle, do so regularly and we were all on the same wavelength. One was the lovely Liz who I got chatting to because I've seen her on my commute. We had a lovely time gossiping about the Uxbridge Road and the Ealing area as we pootled through London.
I chatted to various other people as we went through Clapham and made our way out to the country. Part of what I love about the FNRttC is that it's perfectly acceptable to pootle along and chat as you go but it's equally acceptable to steam ahead for some alone time. As someone said, you can be as sociable as you like. We got the usual jeers and cheers going through Tooting with a couple of enterprising lads attempting to run alongside the pack and we had a policeman call us 'very brave' for going through Epsom at club chucking out time.
The lights started to get farther apart and the riders got more spread out as we approached the M25. I was glad to have my energy drink with me. It tasted of squash made wth sea water but I didn't get cramp this time and my muscles felt a lot less battered. A2 and I stick together for some of the time but he's a fast rider and I assured him I didn't mind if he wanted to go to the front. We stopped outside London and it was suddenly cold. My arm warmers were put to good use and didn't come off again. I also pulled up my bright yellow Primark knee socks. At £1.50 they were £18 cheaper than the leg warmers I nearly bought and my God they were toasty! I ate my tasty cereal and energy bars and was relieved I'd packed a much smaller pannier this time. I also left my very heavy D-Lock in London.
The moon was almost full and Venus was bright beside it, I can't actually describe how beautiful it was as we sailed through the night. We went up hills and down and I was only caught out once. A2 had a puncture and had waved me on saying he would catch up (he did, the bastard) and I ended up cycling with the lovely Wowbagger. He's a pootler and chatted away until we hit a nasty and unexpected incline (17% apparently). I hadn't changed down fast enough and rather than put Reg's chain under strain I got off and walked 20 yards.
I was starting to flag and it was to my great relief that I called out 'I hope we're near the caf!' to a rolling wayfinder only to have him reply 'It's 10 yards away!'
Why does no one tell you that an egg sandwich and hot, sweet tea cure everything? We descended upon a truckers' cafe that had been forewarned of our apearance, and enjoyed a sit down in the warm and some well-earned food. The ladies also peed. Why is it that the boys always have to go several times en route whereas every lady managed to wait until the halfway point and then wait for Bognor? Sometimes I think they just pee behind trees because they can.
Soon the leader called the five minute warning and we stepped out into a suddenly freezing car park. We saddled up, went round the roundabout to wait for the last people and we were on again......
I also got to chat to a few ladies. Fairly usual you say but I say no. These were all ladies who love to cycle, do so regularly and we were all on the same wavelength. One was the lovely Liz who I got chatting to because I've seen her on my commute. We had a lovely time gossiping about the Uxbridge Road and the Ealing area as we pootled through London.
I chatted to various other people as we went through Clapham and made our way out to the country. Part of what I love about the FNRttC is that it's perfectly acceptable to pootle along and chat as you go but it's equally acceptable to steam ahead for some alone time. As someone said, you can be as sociable as you like. We got the usual jeers and cheers going through Tooting with a couple of enterprising lads attempting to run alongside the pack and we had a policeman call us 'very brave' for going through Epsom at club chucking out time.
The lights started to get farther apart and the riders got more spread out as we approached the M25. I was glad to have my energy drink with me. It tasted of squash made wth sea water but I didn't get cramp this time and my muscles felt a lot less battered. A2 and I stick together for some of the time but he's a fast rider and I assured him I didn't mind if he wanted to go to the front. We stopped outside London and it was suddenly cold. My arm warmers were put to good use and didn't come off again. I also pulled up my bright yellow Primark knee socks. At £1.50 they were £18 cheaper than the leg warmers I nearly bought and my God they were toasty! I ate my tasty cereal and energy bars and was relieved I'd packed a much smaller pannier this time. I also left my very heavy D-Lock in London.
The moon was almost full and Venus was bright beside it, I can't actually describe how beautiful it was as we sailed through the night. We went up hills and down and I was only caught out once. A2 had a puncture and had waved me on saying he would catch up (he did, the bastard) and I ended up cycling with the lovely Wowbagger. He's a pootler and chatted away until we hit a nasty and unexpected incline (17% apparently). I hadn't changed down fast enough and rather than put Reg's chain under strain I got off and walked 20 yards.
I was starting to flag and it was to my great relief that I called out 'I hope we're near the caf!' to a rolling wayfinder only to have him reply 'It's 10 yards away!'
Why does no one tell you that an egg sandwich and hot, sweet tea cure everything? We descended upon a truckers' cafe that had been forewarned of our apearance, and enjoyed a sit down in the warm and some well-earned food. The ladies also peed. Why is it that the boys always have to go several times en route whereas every lady managed to wait until the halfway point and then wait for Bognor? Sometimes I think they just pee behind trees because they can.
Soon the leader called the five minute warning and we stepped out into a suddenly freezing car park. We saddled up, went round the roundabout to wait for the last people and we were on again......
Midnight ride to Bognor - The big fall
So on Friday night I cycled to Bognor overnight and it was amazing. But it was a night of firsts: first time I've been to Bognor; first time I've come off my bike on the road.
We met up at Hyde Park Corner and I was hugely excited. We stood and chatted as people arrived, including A2, one of the people instrumental to my cycling. He and A are the Mr Miyage to my LaRusso. So we had the safety talk about calling directions, stopping at red lights (it's a CTC ride so they're very strict about these things) and we set off. Then I fell over. Twenty yards from the start. In the road. In front of 80 people.
We were riding in a close pack and I'd just had my front brakes changed. Someone came close in front of me, I swerved and braked hard and went over. Apparently it was a 'perfect wipeout'. I also bounced my head off the road but was wearing a helmet so it was only many hours later when I thought the incident through that I even realised I'd done it. More importantly, Reg is fine. I blocked two lanes of traffic but got up and soldiered on. The group and A2 were hugely solicitous and assured me I could go home but I was determined to do the ride. I had grazed my right knee quite deeply and my left inside shin but never mind.
What I couldn't tell the concerned A2 (who is male), was that the handlebar had jammed into my boob and lady bits. My left boob now looks like a baboon's arse and there's black bruising on my pubic bone and right inner thigh. Ouch. It hurt for the first hour but subsided significantly after that and I started to enjoy myself in earnest. The sky was clear, the moon was up and it was beautiful.
I'd fooled myself into thinking not everyone had seen but my illusions were shattered as quite a few people sidled up next to me throughout the ride to ask if I was ok and to regale me with the tales of their first public fall (many of them were first-time cleat users) and the various hilarious things they'd done on a bike. I'm sure they were only telling me to make me feel better and it worked.
When I got home Mr Weenie was remarkably non-giggly when I told him of my injuries but he assumed they weren't too bad. As the clothing came off he was suitably shocked (he'll be the only person to see all of them). But, to be honest, although my pride is damaged it's like everything else. Now that it's happened once I'm less frightened of it happening again. I was in a controlled ride, with people who stood and blocked traffic until I was up and safely out of the way, I wasn't alone, I wasn't in a collision. Never mind.
I shall post pics and more about the ride itself later......
We met up at Hyde Park Corner and I was hugely excited. We stood and chatted as people arrived, including A2, one of the people instrumental to my cycling. He and A are the Mr Miyage to my LaRusso. So we had the safety talk about calling directions, stopping at red lights (it's a CTC ride so they're very strict about these things) and we set off. Then I fell over. Twenty yards from the start. In the road. In front of 80 people.
We were riding in a close pack and I'd just had my front brakes changed. Someone came close in front of me, I swerved and braked hard and went over. Apparently it was a 'perfect wipeout'. I also bounced my head off the road but was wearing a helmet so it was only many hours later when I thought the incident through that I even realised I'd done it. More importantly, Reg is fine. I blocked two lanes of traffic but got up and soldiered on. The group and A2 were hugely solicitous and assured me I could go home but I was determined to do the ride. I had grazed my right knee quite deeply and my left inside shin but never mind.
What I couldn't tell the concerned A2 (who is male), was that the handlebar had jammed into my boob and lady bits. My left boob now looks like a baboon's arse and there's black bruising on my pubic bone and right inner thigh. Ouch. It hurt for the first hour but subsided significantly after that and I started to enjoy myself in earnest. The sky was clear, the moon was up and it was beautiful.
I'd fooled myself into thinking not everyone had seen but my illusions were shattered as quite a few people sidled up next to me throughout the ride to ask if I was ok and to regale me with the tales of their first public fall (many of them were first-time cleat users) and the various hilarious things they'd done on a bike. I'm sure they were only telling me to make me feel better and it worked.
When I got home Mr Weenie was remarkably non-giggly when I told him of my injuries but he assumed they weren't too bad. As the clothing came off he was suitably shocked (he'll be the only person to see all of them). But, to be honest, although my pride is damaged it's like everything else. Now that it's happened once I'm less frightened of it happening again. I was in a controlled ride, with people who stood and blocked traffic until I was up and safely out of the way, I wasn't alone, I wasn't in a collision. Never mind.
I shall post pics and more about the ride itself later......
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